How To Screw Up A Bachelor Party - What NOT To Do
Everyone loves the bachelor party. But it seems some folks wrote the book on how to screw up a bachelor party.
Some of them have been good and some of them have been dreadful.
The main indicator of how well the bachelor party will be and how fun it will be for the participants is the mind of the bachelor party planner i.e. the Best Man.
Just like companies, teams, and Governments, everything involving the success of this bachelor party all stems from the person you have hand-picked to plan it.
Thus, history is littered with bad bachelor parties and bad bachelor party ideas.
And I am not talking about bachelor parties gone wrong, the craziest bachelor party ideas, or any stories about someones boyfriend or husband getting a little too wild at his best mate's bachelor party.
I am talking about preventing poor planning of a bachelor party.
The stakes are high.
Your Groom only gets one Bachelor Party. Unless he gets married again. So figure out how to screw up a bachelor party and do the exact opposite.
There are a million ways you can mess up a bachelor party and the main reason it infuriates everyone is that it can be the most fun night anyone has ever had.
It has so much potential.
When you mess it up, we are all sad. How often do you get these guys all together on a trip or for a night out? After 30, you are lucky to get one guy out of the house to go a local sports bar let alone get 15 guys to Vegas for a bachelor party.
All you have to do is keep it simple and have a good plan.
It’s not that hard.
But frankly, people try to get too cute, don’t do any research, and don’t really understand what the bachelor party is all about.
So without further adieu, here is you guide to screwing up the bachelor party, and let me be absolutely clear:
Don't do these:
1. Don't invite the brother or dad of the Bride.
Nothing kills the vibe of your last night of debauchy like inviting the only dudes in the world that should probably not see you in that light. Not to mention, your rowdiest of groomsmen now have to tame themselves.
Unless you want your last night of singledom to consist of playing paper football with beer caps, don’t invite the in-laws. I couldn't make that up if I tried. I showed up late to a bachelor party in Atlantic City, NJ where the Bride and Groom's entire family was in attendance and the younger guys were sitting around at a table playing football with beer caps.
2. Don't invite anyone that hooked up with the Bride.
If you are planning a bachelor party for a dude that has a solid crew and they all know each other, this might not be a stretch. Depending on where you live, there might not be a large selection on which to swipe right. Unless you want to witness a drunken confession from the dude you were iffy on inviting anyway, do your homework when you put together the list of guys to invite.
A friend of mine who will remain nameless was invited to the bachelor party and wedding of his friend and he just so happened to have a thing with this guy's new wife a while back. He can keep his mouth shut for society's sake but some people just can't.
3. Don't invite the Bride.
If I have to tell you this, then you shouldn’t remotely be involved in planning a bachelor party.
Matter of fact, you shouldn't have been asked to be anyone's best man.
If your soon-to-be wife suggests that she attend or propose a joint bachelor / bachelorette party, then you probably shouldn’t be marrying her.
The whole point of a bachelor party is to have one last night of good fun before you go and get married.
Traditionally, the bachelor party was a dinner that was hosted the night before the wedding with all the men attending the wedding. It is still similar in the sense that typically only men are invited and you do quintessential male activities like paintball, a sporting event, or clubs that the only women in attendance are usually employees.
If you are going to invite the Bride, you may as well not even do it.
You also may as well kiss your life goodbye and get used to taking orders for the rest of your life.
4. Don't invite women (sorry ladies).
No offense to the ladies out there and by no means am I saying anything about gender roles in western society. But, for the most part, inviting females to a bachelor party is a terrible idea. Not that anyone is doing anything wrong, but having women present changes the whole vibe. The bachelor party is a night where the guys can throw down and send off their mate in one last hoorah. Having the girls there changes that completely.
You instinctively tame yourself with the ladies there.
If one of your Groomsmen had a special guest they wanted to bring up to the hotel that happened to be wearing a leather police woman outfit, you probably won’t be able to do that with the ladies present.
But listen, every guy has that one girl that would be in the wedding party if she was a man. Plenty of guys have friends that are of the opposite sex. There is nothing wrong with that. But if she is such a good friend, your soon-to-be-wife is probably friends with her too. Ask your wife to invite her to the bachelorette party and all will be restored.
5. Don't plan activities that the Groom doesn’t like.
I once went to a bachelor party where the guy planning it had us road tripping to minor league hockey games in Western Massachusetts in a rented minivan. Turns out the bachelor didn’t like hockey.
So where did that idea come from?
You guessed it. The guy planning it liked minor league hockey [and road trips].
Ask the groom what he wants to do and do that.
All you have to do is find an activity that the Groom likes and center the weekend around that. Then throw in a few friends, a ton of beer, and you’ve got yourself a hell of a good time.
The Groom is a huge hockey fan?
Take him to an away hockey game of his team. It's as easy as that.
6. Don't wing the logistics.
Nothing shows your lack of planning and organizational skills then having bad logistics for your friend’s bachelor party. If you wing this issue, you truly know how to screw up a bachelor party.
I helped plan a party in Tampa one time. The place we were going was about 20 miles from the airport and there were no public transport options.
I booked up a van from some company and made sure the guy would stop at the liquor store on the way. I let everyone know to meet at the bag claim at a certain time and once everyone got there we left in the van.
Now that required about 5 minutes of thought.
Spend 5 minutes while you are punching into that iPhone of yours on the couch during the commercial of those lame reruns you are watching to do some research.
Now keep in mind, not all cities are created equal. You can easily get to downtown Chicago from O’Hare on the train. However, in Tampa, you cannot.
Do your homework.
7. Don't pick a crappy location.
I recently attended a Bachelor party in Baltimore and the guy that organized it rented an AirBnB in DC. You can Google Map that but last time I checked they were different cities.
Not only can you pick a terrible location regarding proximity, you can also pick a really lame location.
If a bunch of guys are getting together for a bachelor party, you do not want to go wine tasting. Unless the Groom is a sommelier, I’d recommend you pick something with a little more pizazz [See above about picking things that your Groom actually likes].
Now, you also want to pick a location that can house all of your bachelor party plans. At bare minimum, you need an activity that the Groom likes, and some bars/clubs/etc. where you can party.
So pick a location that has all that. I’m not suggesting that you have to pick places that everyone else uses like Vegas or Miami. I hear Louisville, KY is a great town. Just make sure it has all the elements that you need.
If you have a large group, planning a bachelor party is a little like herding cattle. If it takes more than 5 minutes to get somewhere or there is any slight hesitation in what the plan is, those guys will come up with 10 different ideas and go off in 10 different directions. Pick a location that has everything you are doing very close by. Spring for a closer hotel if you have to in order to avoid long car trips.
If you want everything to go smoothly, be smart about your location.
8. Don't pick lame activities.
I recently attended a bachelor party where the guy planned little activities at multiple bars across town.He called it a bar crawl but at every bar he had a “challenge” set up. One of them was a relay race.
Nothing says LAME like a bunch of grown men doing a relay race.
Do something manly.
Do something fun.
Throw down and have a good time.
Save the lame activities for your future wife’s baby shower.
9. Don't go cheap.
Spend a little extra to show your buddy that you care. No one is suggesting that you get bottle service at the hottest clubs in Vegas.
If money is tight, do something local that doesn’t require a large amount of up front cost.
I recently went to a bachelor party where went to a local baseball game. We went to the game and partied all night at no upfront cost to anyone but it was a great party and the bachelor loved it.
If money is an issue, use your head and plan something that the bachelor likes and can include as many of his friends as possible.
10. Don't pass out early.
Whether you pass out at 4pm from alcohol or because you are lame as heck, either way, the day is ruined for you. Not to mention, your boys would like to hang with you well beyond 4pm. Pace yourself.
You want to be part of the whole party whether it is for one night, two nights, or a week.
If you want to help make your bachelor party epic, check out these awesome tees here.